Doing it till it's done
I am working on revisions for some agents. They are a slog. They are why I am nowhere online this month.
That's a lie: they are actually kind of fun, in a way. They are illuminating. They are necessary. They are challenging, but worth it.
This isn't a NaNoWriMo post, but I'm liking the symmetry; I'm finding editing inspiration in all the tweets I see from writers logging their minutes. I have edited before -- top to bottom, heavily and lightly, successfully and less so. But now, for the first time, maybe, I'm editing and rewriting with every word in mind. Literally, every one. With each keystroke I pause and think, "Did I mean that? Is that the best way to phrase it? Would she really react like that?" I'm finally understanding one of my main characters, whose personality has always been a bit fuzzy. Now I hear her. Now I get her. Now I finally like her.
The revisions are taking time. It's all justifiable -- wedding, work, other deadlines -- but it's still hard for me to sit with. New things are landing on the tips of my ears, whispering. Shinier things. Sitting down and starting each day is more than half the battle, especially when your days are (lately) extremely mentally exhausting, and you're feeling the urge to hibernate and string up some Christmas lights.
Part of what I need to do with this revision is change the working title; something I've always known, but all my beta readers seemed to like it so I kept it a secret from myself. The new title is on the tip of my tongue -- so close, I can hear the words ringing in my ear, but not clear enough for me to make them out yet. So I keep brainstorming. I have lists and lists of titles; I have iPhone Notes and emails to myself and scrap post-its that are all tucked into the piles of my desk. At my last writing group (shout-out to the incomparable ladies who comprise it), when I realized I needed to rip up the beginning, I opened up a new Scrivener document and called it BURN DOWN THE HOUSE. I set the first 10 chapters on fire, so I may as well just call it what it is. Arson.
So, yes, this is where I've been. All my writing energy is going to work and to burning down a house that I love so, so much but know it can be better. So I need a name. Names are important.